Via listenerd,  a blog called Holytaco (??) posted  a list of 14 songs that should never be played in a bar.  Their list:

14. ALL I WANNA DO – SHERYL CROW

13. MR. BRIGHTSIDE – THE KILLERS

12. R.E.M. – IT’S THE END OF THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT (AND I FEEL FINE)

11. DANCING QUEEN – ABBA

10. SWEET HOME ALABAMA – LYNYRD SKYNYRD

9. DON’T STOP BELIEVING – JOURNEY

8. SMOOTH – CARLOS SANTANA AND ROB THOMAS

7. HOTEL CALIFORNIA - THE EAGLES

6. I WILL SURVIVE – GLORIA GAYNOR

5. MEATLOAF – PARADISE BY THE DASHBOARD LIGHT

4. KID ROCK – BAWIDABA

3. ANYTHING BY THE BEATLES - THE BEATLES

2. PIANO MAN – BILLY JOEL

1. AMERICAN PIE – DON MCLEAN

While I don’t agree with choices/reasons that HolyTaco blog states, I do think some basic guidelines are in order.  Here are my suggestions:

5.  Don’t play massive medleys in the style of “Hooked-on”  (classics, disco, hair metal, etc..).

4.  Make the covers suit the environment.  Playing any song by the Kinsey Sicks in a biker bar is probably not a good idea.

3.  Don’t preach.  You’re hired to entertain, not to change behavior or beliefs.  Songs about quitting smoking or drinking should probably be avoided.

2.  Avoid assymetrical meters, excessive polyrhythms and anything that sounds like this:   Varese may have inspired Frank Zappa to write music, but as far as I can tell, he’s never been a favorite of bar patrons.

1.  Never try any song you aren’t capable of singing on-key.

Bonus advice:  Knowing when to tell a bad joke is an art;  if you don’t have the talent, don’t try it onstage.