According to some, tonight is the music industry’s most important annual event. I’m not sure anymore. Just because I belong to said group, it doesn’t mean that I agree that the old guard has ability to move and shake the audiences anymore. Here are some play-by-play comments, in whatever order I remember them. I apologize in advance for being overly critical to your favorite performers. I didn’t nominate anyone this year, btw. Too much going on.
1. If I were Ms. Underwood’s banjo player, I’d be wondering who unplugged me.
2. The Raconteurs were robbed.
3. Taylor Swift’s microphone rocks really hard. It blows Miley’s off the stage. That Taylor 12 string is pretty cool, too. Their backup band is playing offstage. Why? These folks are the real stars.
4. Jennifer Hudson’s having sound problems. Or is she overpowering that Shure microphone…
5. Kid Rock’s songs seem more intelligent. Or am I losing brain cells…
6. Stevie Wonder brought his clavinet. It’s too bad he didn’t leave the Jonas Brothers at home.
7. Allison Krauss and Robert Plant are having a great night. It’s funny, though, ’cause she’s always been a champion of independent artists/labels.
8. I can’t believe the Katy Perry choreography. It’s like a bad Veggie Tales nightmare.
9. Blink 182 is getting back together? Now that these guys are middle-aged, what kind of audience will turn out to hear songs about teen angst? Or will they sing about the economy? Can anyone really revive the 4 powerchord neopunk band? I guess if Justin Timberlake still gets asked to sing, then anything’s possible.
10. Adele beat out a bunch of tough competitors. Way to go! Now go buy yourself one of those microphones like Taylor Swift had.
11. Radiohead is obviously getting a Yamaha marching brass and percussion endorsement. Why do I think of Tom Waits everytime I see/hear their stuff? I’m not sure that’s a flattering association. Remember when Johnny Cash gave the finger to Nashville? Deja vu.
12. A pregnant M.I.A. plus the Rap (Rat) Pack? This is an example of a collaboration that looked good on paper but didn’t live up to anyone’s expectations.
13. Every performer get’s to play to the armwaving section. This is obviously where the Recording Academy interns go during the Grammy awards.
14. Neal Portnow is claiming that our new president is “on board” with recording academy interests, since he has two grammys himself. I have doubts about the creation of a new “Secretary of the Arts” cabinet position based on the award given to the author of a spoken-word book.
15. The Four Tops; now this is the best performance so far and the “arms” section isn’t reacting to “Reach Out”. Oh, the irony! Those darned kids and their rock music….
16. The Grammy sponsors are Oil of Olay and Target. Where’s Walmart?
17. There must be some monitor issues. Neil Diamond would never wander pitchwise singing “Sweet Caroline”, even on an off-night.
16. Back to the Beatle moment; I believe that Sir Paul sang “I Saw Her Standing There” in the original key. Should have taken that band on the run down about two whole steps….
17. I just now remembered that Al Green duet with Justin Timberlake. Al’s got a great voice. Justin’s outmatched.
18. Is this a Rap Tribute to New Orleans? Somehow rap and Dixieland don’t mix that well. If I became a rap star, would I have to chose an initial name or just add Lil’ in front?
19. Jack Black wins the “Most Undersized Hat” award. I guess the Rogaine isn’t working out.
20. It’s T’Bone Burnett’s guitar and an overmiked bass drum featuring Robert Plant and Alison Krauss. How come Alison get’s a fan to blow her hair and Robert doesn’t get one? This is a minimalist sound.
21. Green Day gets to hand out the final Grammy? Hmmm… Alison Krauss and Robert Plant win. And her microphone magically drops down 6 inches, making her look like a very tall person. Why can’t they just raise the darned thing? Didn’t Atlas have one of those hydraulic stands that won’t fall?
22. My wife thinks Stevie Wonder looks like the Predator from the “Governator” movie of the same name.
OK, it’s a wrap. Pink got robbed, BTW. I forgot to add that.